Fragile masculinity goes hand in hand with toxic masculinity. Both serve detrimental purposes but after all is said and done, fragile masculinity is not something that can be treated by women; feminist or not. At least not by themselves. The kind of fragility I speak about cannot be cured with platitudes and praises from submissive women or dodgy male friends who lie to their mates for various reasons. Neither can it be cured with material wealth, status or any other external factors. It is a complex, internal construct which requires a holistic approach to heal both symptomatically and also in full.
Fragile masculinity may be exacerbated in part by women who are clumsy around men who are said to have fragile egos but the fact of the matter is that women did not create this phenomena. The patriarchal society did this all by itself the minute it decided to dump all kinds of responsibilities and expectations on males; expectations that they are no longer able to meet like their counterparts of yore because of various reasons. In simple terms society evolved along with many of its women but men largely didn't. Now the great wall that was supposed to be strong is quickly tumbling down and it is taking numerous casualties down with it.
From the minute a man is born he is taught that his self worth is pegged on how much he can provide for himself as well as others. He is touted as the indisputable king of the jungle who is not only invincible but also unchallenged. These type of values are imparted side by side with some sort of entitlement to female bodies; those they view as 'lesser' than by virtue of divine or humanly given authority. He is also often denied the language of emotion because emotions are associated with feminine softness especially if they involve any type of vulnerability.
(Note that the world is still grappling with the fact that absolute dominion by virtue of gender alone is no longer as sufficient or as tenable as before. This is very disruptive for many.)
The emotions that are deemed acceptable often involve aggression, anger, rivalry, pain suppression and pride. That is why many young boys are taught not to cry even when they get hurt accidentally or are bullied and beaten up by others. They are taught that crying is a woman's thing and as a result their emotions calcify into pent up rage from a very early age. Women are said to be their worst enemies but the truth is that it is no different with men. Besides the male solidarity that they show one another especially when condemning the other gender and blaming them for many of their problems, men are generally on their own.
It is not called a man eat man society for no reason. At the heart of this construct is masculine agility and the scramble for power. Men will do anything for that power regardless of hierarchy. That is why kings conquer smaller kings, bigger races conquer smaller races, bigger men conquer smaller men and smaller men conquer other smaller men or their women and children. It starts with the yearning for power and as long as a man is comfortable inside his own kingdom, it is not uncommon to find him unbothered by the next man's kingdom even if it is burning. It is everybody for themselves; and women for them all.
Back to the crux of the matter. At birth, everyone is born with a Yin Yang equilibrium within Self which exists in a state of balance. During the process of nurturing the young, the balance of these energies is destroyed through the perpetuation of unnatural practices that are passed off as natural. In short, these same boys grow up with into men; tough, strong and ready to conquer the world or so it seems but for many this is never really the case. The outward representation of masculine strength and virility serves as a cloak for the brokenness that is the childhood wound inside. Out in the concrete jungles of the world, the hidden fragility begins to take on a new form.
For starters, nobody tends to teach boys that they will not always have their way either as boys or as men. They are often left to figure this out on their own and even if they are taught how to handle disappointment, it is often overshadowed by hyper-masculine ideologies. Entitlement to female bodies is not taught together with how to handle rejection from those females they hope to conquer to prove their manhood.
Expectations of providence and with it financial freedom/responsibility is not always taught along proper survival instincts on how to handle a lack of providence. A poor man will quickly be emasculated by his fellow men and also women because he has failed to meet the threshold for success in society. He will then find someone/something to blame or take it out on because this same 'society' doesn't say much about how to be a man without those material things. This is one of the reasons people end up becoming thugs.
Neither does this same society teach a man that he does not need completing but rather needs complementing from other autonomous beings. The pressure to marry is real and society does not care if someone can barely take care of themselves. A man must marry even if it means that he is dooming himself to a cycle of generational poverty. Without a spouse one is deemed incomplete regardless of the fact that they were born complete and all they really need is complementing. Note that it is common for men to emasculate each other but when they feel emasculated by women for the same reasons, it is a whole different ball game.
Nobody also tells them that all the emotions they suppress for the sake of maintaining a manly image will either implode or explode at some point in their lives. Add this to the fact that many men are discouraged from speaking up or asking for help anyhow because it is not manly behaviour. Implosion will include chronic stress, depression, ulcers, high blood pressure, drug abuse, alcoholism and suicide/suicidal thoughts. Explosion will include perpetrating physical, emotional, psychological and even financial abuse towards other males or females for the purposes of regaining or obtaining power, escapism, a lack of individual accountability, hiding inside groups or groupthink, self victimization and scapegoating on a massive scale.
That there is toxic fragility repackaged as a manifestation of what many would like to call strength.
Misery loves company and more often than not you will find such people getting offended on behalf of all men or coming to the aid of their fellow male perpetrators regardless of the facts at hand. Then there are those who will never speak up about wrongdoings by fellow men because it amounts to some sort of betrayal. Fragile individuals have no sense of individuality or individual responsibility. The gender grouping and the illusions of protection that comes with being part of it supersedes humanness, empathy and accountability with regards to the other gender.
You will find people who have not been aggrieved at all acting like they have been aggrieved over things they know absolutely nothing about. Many of them tend to create imaginary scenarios of things they have never experienced just so that they can fit in with the victim. This type of behaviour is not to be confused with empathy because it is not empathy. It is callous sensationalism intertwined with collective hate and its purpose is to birth more hate.
Fragile masculinity is also accompanied by the need to prove how manly or how masculine one is without even being asked to prove it. "But I am a man..." "You know I am a man..." Relax. They know you are a man. Then there is team "not all men" and "let's hear both sides of the story." with the latter being the most annoying because they will still ask for both sides of the story even when the facts are as clear as day.
This normally happens in relation to crimes perpetuated against the opposite sex. A man will hack a woman to death for example. Instead of condemning the crime, they will start looking for other stories to add onto the truth when the truth is bad enough. They will find any excuse to heap blame onto the victim in a bid to also victimize themselves when they are not the victims.
When it is a crime perpetuated against their fellow man by another man e.g sodomy, many of them stay silent not knowing that that silence is disempowering in the long run. That is when you hear them cry about how nobody speaks for the boy child despite the fact that they gagged themselves from speaking about their own issues. This ironic outcry is often heard whenever women are amplifying their own voices about women's issues. The rest of the time they cannot be bothered about putting in work and championing their own masculine causes.
It is not a coincidence how bloggers tend to push these kinds of agendas for clout without realizing/caring how much damage they cause in the long run. In advancing these dangerous narratives/ideologies, they actually end up promoting fragile and toxic masculinity; much more than they are destroying the so called enemies of masculinity. The media is very powerful when it comes to shaping mass ideology and thought processes. What you feed your soul is who you become.
So.....After fragile masculinity now what?
In the words of Morgan Heritage, a man is still a man whether he is rich or poor, black or white for sure. The only difference is whether he is good or evil. These are very powerful words from a very simple yet powerful song depending on how one takes it. It can either reinforce or begin to heal the fragile toxicities that have been bestowed upon men by other men and also the world.
The world is cold and everyone is their own life jacket. It paramount to preserve rather than destroy this jacket. Everyone is born enough. You are enough. Normalize telling yourself that you are enough regardless of your gender, your current financial status or the world's interpretations of what a complete male or female should be. Define your own world before you attempt to blend into the larger one.
It is not a coincidence that most free thinkers, free spirits and higher souls tend to be recluses. Groupthink is a very dangerous thing and a lot of people have lost themselves by engaging in phantom thoughts with phantom people; those they imagine are one and the same with them when they are not.
Change is not comfortable at all. Unlearning the very things that we have let define us is a very painful and traumatizing process. This is why people hold onto cultural, religious and ideological constructs which do not serve them or enhance their standards of living in any way. It is much easier to stay the same rather than to unlearn toxic behaviours, mindsets, values and interpolations.
A journey of a thousand miles starts with one step however so it is all about moving at a comfortable pace. Awareness is the first step and after that comes a conscious decision to move differently or to stay the same. To whoever is reading this, I wish you all the best with your masculinity journey regardless.
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