BUSY BODY BUSINESS

I have a very dark past so if you go looking you will definitely find something. It won't be whatever you thought you would find though. It will be much, much worse and chances are that you will not survive to tell the story.

You will likely get trapped inside the closet and die; just like the skeletons you go trying to find in there. Not all those skeletons are secrets. Some are actual busybody remains. Just like you, they thought they would dig and find dirt to use against me.

Instead they ended up burying themselves with the weight of things that didn't concern them so now they are stuck in the past. So you don't need to ask me if I killed them.

Am I a whore? Yes! And a very big one at that. The problem is that you are being nosey despite also being a whore and despite the fact that I have never bothered you. You are not nosey because you are fixing the nation. You are nosey because you are idle; because you like stirring things up and bullying people who don't pretend as well as you do.

What if you go digging and then you discover that one of my children is actually your husband's child? As in my children and yours are siblings? What if you discover that your own father fathered the other child? You will drop down and die or develop high blood pressure and then still die. All because you couldn't mind your business.

Mark you if you hadn't gone digging, I wouldn't have known about the above too. It is your long, virulent mouth which helped me put two and two together to begin with. Still I don't care.

Why? Because your husband became impotent after the accident and two of the children you claim to be his are actually the pastor's children. I know because he could not give me a second child for a long time thereafter so I 'settled' for your father; except I didn't know he was your father when we met during my bridging classes. I only thought he was a lecturer.

None of them knows these things yet but they will know today; now that we are stirring up things and exposing one another.

As for me going to Mariestopes more than once? I know you wouldn't dare talk about that because you were also there on two of the occasions I was there. The difference between you and I is that you are a staunch churchgoer and I am not. I don't even remember when I last ventured into a place of worship. Also you are a public defender of anti abortion laws. All lives matters as far as your are concerned; all except the ones you keep discarding. Moving on swiftly.

As for me being broke and faking high single mother standards? That part is absolutely true. Unlike in your case though, mine are real standards which were funded in part by the men in your life; men who actually now also happen to be in my life. We are all good friends who know how to mind the business that pays us.

You on the other hand is overwhelmed by loans, exorbitance and family feuds because you have always wanted more than you could work for. You discarded your Communications degree and stopped working as soon as you married a rich man except that he is not so rich anymore. His business has been doing poorly especially now that there is corona but you don't care. What you want is what you want.

You still expect to don the most expensive Indian hair on the market and go on bi annual vacations you can't afford. I on the other hand has paid my way through school and is now working and running a small business on the side. You go round calling me and everyone else a fool but is the fool now?

The latest round of shopping in your fridge was actually paid for by me for example. I know because your husband asked me to lend him money for a medical emergency when there was none. He has done this many times with many people. As soon as I wired him the money he went on a big shopping spree and came home with all the things you normally ask for.

The kids were happy but you weren't because you still wanted more money; money for a useless party to celebrate people who can barely even tolerate you. That one is your own wahala however; one you could sort out by going back to work and supplementing his money except you can't because you are afraid that your fake bourgeois friends will start to see that you are broke. Well, you are broke!

I could go on and on but it would be pointless to orphan your children because when you drop down this time, it will not be that you are pretending. You will be dead for real. You are not ready to find what you are so hellbent on searching for so give it a rest, will you?

My past is dark yet it's as dark as yours. My future on the other hand is way brighter than yours. You are sinking and it's not even because of me. It is because you are the chief gossip in town and you like to see other people suffer. You are a self righteous hypocrite who likes to smother everybody with your fake virtues except you are not so virtuous.

You have broken two marriages up so far in the name of being a truth defender. Who died and made you the ombudsman for other people's affairs? Last year you also made an innocent man lose his job just because you disliked his wife.

You were not happy about her natural glow or the way they were 'rivalling' your charity donations; donations you have to borrow to give of late. You silently coordinated a smear campaign against him and by the time everyone realized the truth it was too late. I have not forgotten about that. I have also not forgotten how you acted as shocked as the rest of us.

This is me talking to myself. Next time though, I will borrow a page from your book and share all these things with everyone. Inside that book of yours everyone including me is a villain and you are the only hero. So it wouldn't matter if I took you down with me because I am down here already.

Oh... and while you are at it you might want to stop underpaying the 13 year old orphan who slaves away in your house. Everybody thinks that you are noble for taking her in from the village. What they don't know is that you mistreat her and even deny her food whenever your husband is not around.

You might also want to check your son before I check him for you. By your son I am referring to the pastor's son; the apple of your eye who you love above your husband's own son and the pastor's other daughter. He has already started going into the little girl's room at night and we all know where that will lead.

You hate your husband's son because he has dyslexia and slurry speech yet you are enabling the pastor's son by allowing him to be a predator; just like his father is with church girls. It will end in tears and remember: "A blow with a word strikes deeper than a blow with a sword."

You will not like it when you are on the receiving end. Mind your own business and stop trying to feign perfection. You are the most imperfect of us all.